What Not To Say When You’ve Just Started Dating

“We need to talk.”

That is the instant message that Julie sent me less than two weeks after we started dating in September of 2005.  Upon reading this, my stomach sunk.  I hadn’t been in too many relationships before this one, but I knew what this meant.  Television had taught me that much.  She was breaking up with me.  I was upset, not only because I really liked this girl, but also because I had grossly misjudged Julie’s feelings about me.  I thought the relationship was going well.  I was having a great time and we were seeing each other every day.  But it had come to this.  We met up and I resigned myself to what was to come.

She was acting strange and a little nervous.  We walked a bit and I was just hoping she would get to it instead of dragging it out.  Just rip the band-aid off.  Finally, she said, “I’ve got something to tell you.”  I took a breath and prepared myself for what was to come.

“I have mono.”

My reaction was probably not the best.

“Oh thank God!”

It turns out, I was nervous she was breaking up with me, and she was nervous that she may have given me a communicable disease.  In the end, she agreed that “We need to talk” was not the phrase she should have used and I agreed that, in the future, I should not take as much pleasure in her illness.

She was sick and lethargic the whole semester, which included a trip to the ER and a dose of Vicodin (another fun story!).  I never got so much as a sniffle.

But at least we have a story to tell.



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