Christmas in Song

“Grown a little sadder/Grown a little older/And I need a little angel/Sitting on my shoulder/Need a little Christmas now” – We Need a Little Christmas

I love Christmas, but this year it was hard to get into. Granted, we were abnormally busy this year – on December 19, DJ successfully defended his PhD. He’s officially* a doctor! But removed from that, we both just felt like something was missing. I mentioned this in my previous post, so I’m not going to dwell on it, but we thought we would celebrating this Christmas as a family of three, instead of a family of two. So preparing for Christmas was a little sadder than normal this year.


“And everyone is singing/I hear those sleigh bells ringing/Santa, won’t you bring me the one I really need?/Won’t you please bring my baby to me?”All I Want for Christmas is You

This is my favorite Christmas song (and I can sing this song almost as well as Mariah Carey herself, although DJ and the dogs tend to disagree). Again, we thought we’d be a family of three this year, so it was hard to hear this song and not think of the baby we were hoping Santa would bring us.


“Have yourself a merry little Christmas/may your heart be light/In a year our troubles will be out of sight.” – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

This is a close second as my favorite Christmas song. It really resonated with me this year, thinking back over the last year and especially where we were this time last year. I had just been laid off, so DJ and I were both applying and interviewing for jobs. We didn’t know where we were going to be living come summer, if we were going to be living in the same city or different cities, or even if we would find jobs. Our troubles of last are truly out of sight this year. We both have good jobs, we are still living in our home (which I love so much more at Christmas), and, most important, we are together. Everything may not be the way we would like, but that’s okay. We both believe that “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”


We had a wonderful Christmas. We both had to work Christmas eve, but we had a great day home together yesterday. We spent the evening with friends, sharing a meal and each other’s company. So Christmas was good, we are good, and we’re ever hopeful for a family of three for Christmas 2015. We hope that you are well and that you had a good Christmas. We hope for good things for everyone in 2015.


*It won’t be “official” until graduation in May, but he’s done all the work. All that’s left is to walk across the stage on May 9!

How much is too much?

When we started blogging, our intention was to reach families that may be considering placing a child for adoption. We felt like our letter on file with the agency was very static, but the blog gives us a chance to regularly update and would let someone learn more about us. A struggle of mine has been trying to figure out what to write and how much.

I’m not going to lie. The waiting has been hard. We never expected we’d be facing a second Christmas without our baby in our arms. But we also know that the end of our pain is the beginning of another family’s pain. The family that won’t raise the child they love. So I don’t want to come across as insensitive, or as though I’m looking for a pity party. So we only put on the good stuff. The pictures of us smiling and happy. The stories of trips and races and the things we do. I don’t write about the days I can’t get on Facebook because it seems like someone is posting a new pregnancy or birth every day. I don’t write about the days I cry in the car or in bed or into DJ’s shoulder. But I don’t think I’m going to. To whoever is reading this, I just want you to know that we are real people. We’re not just abstract folks on a website. We have real, changing emotions, just like you.

We don’t know what the family that is meant to find us is looking for. We don’t know if it’s something in our biographies, something in our looks, or something we’ve written here. But I feel like I haven’t been completely honest by only sharing the “postcard moments”. For that, I apologize. We’re not going to have any pity parties here, but we’re not going to be afraid to share when we’re having a rough day. We want you to know we don’t take the choice you’re making lightly. We’re in this. We’ve stuck it out this long because we’re invested.

Sooo…our bad. Yes, it’s been four months since we’ve updated. Wish I could say it was for a good reason, but it was really just life. Life’s been just a lot of normal the past few months, but here’s quick recap anyway:


SC: The middle of August, I passed another certification exam for my job. I was certified as a generalist to work in any lab area, but this certification makes me a clinical chemistry specialist. I’m not working in a chemistry lab now, but the certification is nice to have and I was #1749 to pass the test…ever. The test has only a 50% pass rate, so I was very happy.

DJ’s Job: DJ started his residency at a local hospital. He loves it. He works with patients and treatment planning every day. Not only does he love it, he’s good at it. As in, really good. He’s quickly earned the trust and respect of the senior physicists in his department.  (I made him stand by the tree for his first day of work)


Photography: I had two photographs displayed at a local art show, which was also benefitting the dog rescue group I’ve been volunteering with. I’ve done their photography for a few years, but this year I also designed their holiday card and I’ve been running their Facebook page.Maddie Bug


In September, my dad came to visit as he won third prize in the employee and family art show held at our hospital! One of the pictures he took during their mission trip to Haiti was chosen as third place in the amateur category.


I also started a sign language class and kickball started again.

DJ’s brother got married! The wedding weekend was a whirlwind – we left at 6 on Saturday morning, went to my hometown in MD for the funeral of a friend, then went to NJ for the wedding, then Monday morning back to my hometown for a high school soccer game, then home around 11pm. The wedding was beautiful and we’re so happy to have Trevor officially a part of the family. (And I must say that DJ looked so dapper in his pink bow tie)

Of course, there was halloween. We didn’t know if we were going to do it this year, then we realized, who are we kidding? We’ll dress up. Shrek and Fiona it is.


Whoa. November was a whirlwind for us.

We worked the election the first week of November (we are the chief officers for a new precinct starting this year).

We went to see our favorite band together one last time during their farewell tour.

Two days later, we ran the Bay Bridge in Annapolis for the Across the Bay 10K.


6 days later, I ran my first half marathon! I didn’t break any speed records, but I finished and in under three hours, which I was super happy about it. It was such an overwhelming feeling. I trained every weekend from August to November, so it was definitely as much a mental thing as it was physical! (And to be honest, if you give me a medal, I’ll do just about anything).


DJ had minor surgery the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I say a minor surgery, but the outcome was major. DJ has had a hearing aid in one ear for about two ears. Take your thumb and plug your ear canal – that’s what his ear was like. The doctor that diagnosed the hearing loss didn’t completely work it up and, frankly, accepted not knowing the cause. DJ switched insurance when he started his new job and his new doctor was able to diagnose the cause within two minutes of reviewing his chart. A quick, 30 minutes surgery to replace the little bones in his ear and his hearing is back to (almost) normal – definitely no more hearing aid! We had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Now it’s December and the holidays are beginning. Let’s not make it another four months before an update. 🙂