Filthy 5k

Tonight was night one of Riverrock – two inches of rain in the past 24 hours really made it a mud run. My knee was really hurting during this race, so I didn’t push it too hard, but when I got passed by a chihuahua (honestly), I picked up the pace a little. DJ’s parents are here visiting and it was great having them at the race as well. Tomorrow is DJ’s 10K!

DJ and his parents

Pre-race selfie

This photo courtesy of my super-talented friend, Dave Parrish.

Down and dirty

The damage after the mud pit.

Throwback Thursday: No Pants Day

No Pants Day. First Friday in May and we were stupid and in college. Need I say more?

DJ and his suite mates – NPD 2005 – Pre DJ and Julie (DJ still has and wears that shirt)

SU represent

No Pants Day indeed

Those boxers recently tore and I’m still in mourning.

Lazy Sunday

For as much as we go, go, go, we really enjoy our lazy days and today was a lazy day. After a quick grocery store run, we decided to go pack a lunch and watch the final day of the bicycle races through the city. We set up under a tree on Monument Ave and it was great.

There was hardly a tree on our college campus that DJ didn’t climb, so why would he pass this one up?

We took Petey with us as a reward since we had to cut his nails this morning.

We met up with my friend, Cambria, and her husband, John. Cambria is also an AWESOME photographer, so we finally have a great picture of both of us!

As much as I enjoy always going, the slow lazy days are my favorites because we spend them together. After 9 years, DJ really is still my best friend and I’m lucky to get to spend every minute possible with him. He’s going to be a great dad and I can’t wait to see him in that role.

The story of how we (almost) got engaged

The song “Time and Confusion” by Anberlin came on my music yesterday morning. That is “our song”, it’s not slow or sappy. It’s a punk rock song, but it’s ours. We played it at our wedding, it’s the ringtone on my phone for DJ. We discovered the song soon into our relationship and quickly made it ours.

Like we said, about two weeks after we met, we decided we were going to get married. But DJ still made me  wait a year and a half until he officially proposed. We started dating in September of 2005. Over the summer break of 2006, he was in New Jersey, I was in Maryland, and we were only seeing each other about every three weeks. One night on the phone, when I was having a particularly rough time with the distance, he let slip that his mom had given him a family ring to use as an engagement ring. For the next nine months, I was constantly expecting it. A word to the wise – don’t expect it. It makes all the times it didn’t happen disappointing. Like the time we went to see Anberlin in concert.

I was convinced that DJ was going to propose during this concert. In my mind, he had some how contacted the band and formed this elaborate plan to surprise me with an engagement. He was going to “go to the bathroom” the song before our song in the band’s set, then come out on stage, propose, and the band would follow up with our song. Wrong. And the fact that I still remember all of the pseudo-details of his non-existent plan seven years later should demonstrate the emotional scarring that came from this concert.

Well, he never went to the bathroom and our song came and went with no ring. The hour and a half drive to my parent’s house after the concert was weird. I was disappointed and, frankly, a little lot annoyed with him for blowing this perfect proposal opportunity. But I couldn’t say that, because who calls out their boyfriend for not proposing when you think they should? Don’t worry though, after he did actually propose, I gave him grief for passing up this perfect opportunity.

DJ’s note:  Hi.  DJ here.  I feel the need to interrupt this blog post to note a couple of things.  1.  The thought did occur to me to do it at the concert.  2.  I had not asked her dad’s permission yet.  This is something I would do the very next day.  That is all.  She may continue now.

He didn’t make me wait too much longer. This concert was in February, we got engaged over spring break the next month. That’s another story for another time, but this story makes me laugh and I love giving DJ grief about it.

 

What our days and weeks are like

With this blog, I’m hoping to give you a more dynamic look at our lives than we can provide in a letter. I hope we’ve done a pretty good job of showing you the kinds of things we like to do, but here’s a general overview of what our days are like and what our weeks usually look like:

We wake up around 6. We eat breakfast and usually watch SportsCenter or read the news. We get ready and are out the door around 7:20. I work until 4:30, DJ usually until around 5. We share the dinner making responsibilities. DJ likes to say that if we want to eat well, I cook, but if we want to eat, he cooks. I think he’s selling himself short. When we first got married, Hamburger Helper was about the limit of his culinary skills. In the past six years though, he’s become a pretty good cook and there are some meals of his that I can’t get enough of (chicken burritos, fried chicken cutlet, and he makes the best scrambled eggs). We do different things in the evenings. We usually have something going on at least one night a week, so the nights we are free, we usually relax with a tv show or movie. We’re not night owls and are usually in bed by 10.

For the next few months, Mondays will be softball, Tuesdays will be kickball. I’m a member of a professional organization related to my job that meets once a month on Wednesdays. Mixed in there will be after work activities with our co-workers. On Saturday mornings, we go to the Farmer’s Market. We don’t necessarily buy much, but it’s become one of our rituals that we love to do now.

In between, we are always looking for new things to explore.  We love to discover new places both in and out of the city.  We know that our lives will be flipped upside down when we become parents, but it’s a change we’re looking forward to. We’re so excited about being able to share some of our favorite rituals with our kids though.

Open Adoption?

Adoption will always be in our child’s story. There won’t be any surprises when they turn 18. Adoption (among many, many other things) is going make them special. We want to be able to have an open dialog with our child regarding their adoption and we want you to be a part of that. We don’t have a clear definition of what that looks like. We are hoping to take that lead from you. But we want you to be a part of our (yours and ours) child’s life. Be that through visits, pictures, emails, or whatever, we want you there. However much, or little, you’re comfortable with. We know that you will always love this child and we want him or her to know that always.

As you know, I’m a photographer and there will never be a lack of pictures of our kids. Memories, history, and personal stories are the reason I got into photography. Even though you won’t be there every day, we want you to always feel like you know your child, what is happening with him or her, and we want to to be able to see them grow. Pictures will always be coming your way.

If you choose us, you would be giving us the opportunity to be parents. To be a part of a wonderful child’s, your child’s, life and story. What this means to us in indescribable. You will be a part of our family. We want you to feel comfortable with us and with the situation every step of the way.

We really want to meet you, to sit down and talk with you, and talk more about what role you want. Above all, we want you to feel comfortable and at peace with whatever you decide for your child.  We understand that our relationship will be dynamic. We are open to as much, or as little, contact as you would like. And if it changes in the future, we’ll be here. But know that no matter what you decide, you will always be a part of our child’s life.

 

What we’ve been up to

We’ve been slow in updating lately because we’ve had so much going on (but all good stuff).

• I started a new job two months ago.  I was given notice in December that my lab would be closing in February. Three weeks later, I was offered a position in a molecular diagnostics lab. I was able to finish at my old  job, take two weeks off (hello, Phoenix!), and start my new job fresh.  I really like my new job. The work is fascinating and challenging. My new position is a step up from where I was before and it’s a great place to work. I have so many educational and career advancement opportunities that I didn’t have at my old job.
• We ran the Monument Ave 10k. Race season has begun! We both ran the Monument Ave 10k. The weather was rainy, but it didn’t stop either of us from setting personal records for the race. DJ was in the top 100 of his age group in fact! I took 11 minutes off my time from last year (and couldn’t walk by the end of the race, but I’m getting over that). We’re both registered for at least three more races this year, culminating in my first half-marathon in November. I signed up for it on a whim 4 months ago, so it will be interesting to see how that goes.

At the starting line for the 10k

• DJ’s getting into crunch time with his dissertation.  Six years of hard work is coming down to the next two months. He’s been working so hard and is going to kick ass with his dissertation. Then on July 1, he’ll start his new job in Richmond! We went to Phoenix was for a job interview for DJ. Luckily though, he got a job right where he is now. We are so thankful that we don’t have to move as we love Richmond.
• Spring is finally here! For us, that means being outside. Our first softball game of the season was supposed to be last night (it only rains on Mondays 😦 ) and kickball will be starting again in a few weeks. We’ve been taking advantage of every nice day with walking the dogs at Belle Isle, Maymont, or one of the other great parks around us. It’s so nice to be outside again and to be seeing people outside again.
• My parents were here last weekend. My parents visited last weekend to drop their dog, Sadie, off for us to dog sit while they go to Haiti. My dad organized a mission trip through their church for the group to work at an orphanage this week. I’m so happy that they’re there. It’s such a great opportunity for them and I’m glad they’ve taken it.

My dad working at their orphanage in Haiti today.

So that’s what we’ve been up to the last few weeks. Hope you’re enjoying the spring weather!

Why We Chose Children’s Home Society

March is National Social Work month, so I thought to honor the wonderful social workers we’ve worked with, I’d write about why we chose Children’s Home Society for our adoption.

Honestly, for me, the biggest answer is you. Choosing an agency to work with was a daunting, weeks-long process. We read more websites, reviews, and blogs than we can remember. And I kept coming back to support for the mother before and after birth and her involvement in her child’s life.

I don’t pretend to have any idea of what you’re going through.  But I know it would make me a wreck and when I found out that CHS provides pre and post-birth counseling, I was relieved. It truly demonstrates CHS’s commitment to helping you develop the best plan for you and your child, no matter what that plan looks like. Their number one concern is making sure the child is well cared for. I didn’t see this with many other agencies in the Central Virginia area. I felt like other agencies were concerned with filling quotas and getting money. I have never once gotten this feeling from CHS. In every meeting, the emphasis has been placed on the well-being of the child above all else.

I want you to be well taken care of because that’s what is going to be best for your child. I can’t wait to meet you, to know you. When we meet, we’ll decide what kind of relationship we want to have, but it is important to me that you are involved in our child’s life (and when I say our child, I mean yours and ours). CHS helps facilitate contact between families, if that is what’s chosen. They believe it’s important for open communication, be it face to face or through the agency.

The post about CHS has kinda sidetracked into an open letter to you. I hope you don’t mind. I’ve been wanting to write to you for a while, I just never knew really how to start it.

I so hope that I get the opportunity to meet you. I think about you, almost everyday. Not about a baby that you may be carrying, but about you. I hope that you are well. I hope that you have someone in your corner that loves you. I hope we get the chance to talk, mother to mother, about your dreams, my dreams, and our dreams for our child. I don’t know you, not yet. But I’m hopeful we’ll meet soon. In the mean time, I’ll keep thinking about you and dreaming about our child.

Radio non-silence

DJ’s out of town for a meeting and while I enjoy my home-alone Grey’s Anatomy marathons, I miss it when he’s here. As cheesy as it sounds, he really is my best friend. We’ve been together for over eight years and I still smile when he walks into the room (which is terribly frustrating when I want to be angry with him.)

We officially met in September of 2005. Unofficially, DJ is the reason I passed general chemistry spring semester of freshman year. We had a mutual friend Lauren, who was dating one of DJ’s suite mates. DJ would help DJ with her chemistry homework, which I would then copy. Lauren talked about him every time we were working on homework, and she always referred to him by his first and last name (we have a very distinctive last name). I had a, let’s say, unfavorable mental image of him, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And that she called him by first and last name is something because in the over eight years since, I don’t know I’ve heard her call him anything but Deej. But for fifteen weeks, we never met. I only knew he existed through Lauren.

So, our official meeting: it was move-in day of sophomore year of college. Lauren came to my room to get me to go to dinner. We were walking on another floor and I hear her yell “DEEJ!” DJ was walking out of his room and joined our, very large, group on our way to dinner. (Disclaimer: this next part is going to sound like crap. If it hadn’t happened to me, that’s what I would be thinking). The first time we spoke, there was a spark. It was like something clicked inside of me, like meeting someone I had known forever. We ate ham that night, one of his favorite foods, and I remember DJ apologizing for the quality of the dining hall ham.

Over the next two weeks, we spent almost every waking minute together. Even though we felt it immediately, we waited two weeks to say I love you. It was just days later we decided we would get married. Of course we didn’t officially get engaged until a year and a half later (a cold, windy day on the beach in March – a story for another day).

Like I said, if it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it. I would probably be gagging a little bit. Getting married young was tough, please don’t get me wrong. But I wouldn’t change a minute of it. We have both been lucky to have the examples of our parents and their long, loving marriages to look to. And, for better or worse, we are each other’s best friend. Each step we have taken has made us who we are. And I wouldn’t change any of it for anything.

 

 

What I Want to Teach My Daughter

On our Arizona trip, I took a solo road trip to Sedona. A photo friend had sent me directions to a beautiful, secluded shooting spot. The directions involved walking down a river bank, alone, over a rough terrain. On the way down, I kept thinking how terrified I would be if I knew my daughter was doing what I was doing. But when I reached the bend in the river, it was all completely worth it. The view, the location, the experience. On my drive back to Phoenix, I was really thinking about the things I want to instill in my daughter, if I am lucky enough to have one.

I want her to be brave. I want her to never be scared to go after what she wants, be it with someone or alone. I want her to be driven, ambitious, and assertive.

I want her to be adventurous. I want her to live every minute of her life and get as much out of it as possible. I want to travel with her and show her the world and the adventures it has in store.

I want her to be strong. And no matter if she wants to be a CEO, a mother, the President, she can do any of it. She can do all of it. She is strong enough to make it happen.

I want her to be kind. I want her to know that she is part of a greater world and that she can make it a better place, but to do that, she must be kind. And I want her to know that you CAN be kind and strong together.

I want her to like science. Or history. Or art. I want her to love learning and to always be pursuing something new. I want to make sure she knows learning is not limited to books and classrooms.

I want her to know her story and how she became part of two families. I want her to know about her families and how important both families are to her story.

But most importantly, I want her to know she is always loved. That she will be so lucky to have not one, but two mothers that love her. That she will have two mothers that are proud of her, no matter what she does.

And I finally decided, I want her to take solo road trips and do something that scares her.